Monday, May 02, 2011


So they finally liquidated him. So he was for real. So he was putting his feet up in an Abottabad château and not some mountainside fox-hole. So the videos were real. So the tapes were bonafide. So the Pakistanis knew all along. So the intel was passed onto the Americans. So the boss of special ops ringed-down the POTUS, currently in a re-run mode. So the orders came directly from the Oval office, the earthly equivalent of Apocatastasis. And the kill of the century!

President Zardari was jolted from deep sleep in the middle of night by a phone call. It was Barak himself. Poor Zardari initially thought it is a rude joke, as Americans are sometimes wont to, but then -- May is not April. The joke was on him. How could he hide a bottle or two under his bed and snore away so peacefully? The most wanted man on God’s green earth was living an hour’s drive from Aiwan-e-Sadr. Phew that was close.

Kashmiris got the news with a mix of disbelief and shock as they began a new week. They shall be discussing OBL in government offices and shop fronts over the next few days. Expect a strike call, by some militant outfit. My hunch tells me that Indian TV channels cannot be expected to feed them anything barring silly, Pakistan-bashing stuff around OBL (About how he was recklessly playing chess with some Pakistani notable in the Abottabad compound while a sly drone tracked him down and such related nonsense).

Ah, OBL. The ultimate boogeyman of our times. The Americans cunningly made him into this world wide CEO of some shadowy vague evil organization. In hindsight he was a wealthy Wahabi who hit it big in the Afghan jihad with his big money and radical outlook. The latter day Lord Voldemort like appellation bestowed upon him was a total American creation. His involvement in 9-11 could never be firmly established though it is hard to give him the benefit of doubt. OBL was perhaps more symbolic than the phantom, as Fox would have it.

Commentaries and videos and tweets on OBL are not expected to stop anytime soon. They will work you up and jerk you into frenzy. Ground-breaking stuff this. The world’s most wanted man meets his fate. Punsters will have a day out. The jokes have begun on Twitter, already. Script-writers are currently scribbling away the unfolding high-voltage drama. Go, go, go style. Gunships booming. Targeted op. Special ops rappelling down apache choppers. Surgical precision. Garrison town.

For those with a penchant for trivia or conspiracy theory here's the take-home: OBL was shot in the head and buried at sea. The Indian Ocean is one big grave today. It has a famous, if slightly insubmissive, resident.

© Sameer