Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Candid sighs

I've never touched somebody
Like the way I touch your body
Now I never want to let your body go
Bryan Adams -- Song: Let's make a night to remember

A time comes in our lives when we feel a sudden pleasing fluency in the myriad thoughts we think. As far as my memory goes back, I’ve always been a surmising type. Thinking about very naïve things -- like the alluring colors of butterflies in our kitchen garden, back in the serene yards of Kashmir. I would be fascinated for instance by the gooey cheeping of tiny-fluffy chicklings that mom used to raise. The tender shards of old folk-tales our ever-old neighbours' granny fed us. How did the wily wolf understand Urdu, I often wondered?

As I grew up, I found myself still pondering. Still curious. Still asking? All my education, upbringing and love for books made me some kind of a liberal. Thoughtful. Activist. Feeling for others. The downtrodden and helpless. The cruel travails to their drumming my car-pane at traffic signals. The world has been living with such extreme contrasts, I try telling my heart. Still their desperate eyes pike me at odd hours. If God is just, why does He let these kids starve, heart throws back.

I have stayed hapless on many counts. I could never cease to be a romantic. I could never shrug that innocence which love evokes. Love for nature, friends, kind souls and some. I still believe in unadulterated, unconditional love. Another matter, no one takes the call!

Then there is a humorous side to my musings. My pals will vouch for it. I believe a sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.

I will be candid. I have a heart which is simply: f**** caring. Now this means two varying things. At one level I have been compassionate and at yet another, I got hurt more than anyone else. Misunderstood! It is not that my choices have betrayed me. I think my stars go astray somewhere; I think I can’t align myself to anyone anymore. Like those gypsies. Nomads who wander. My heart wanders.

They say journeys, like artists, are born and not made. A thousand differing circumstances contribute to them, few of them willed or determined by the will-whatever we may think. I am glad that I’ve a candid set of scruples and I always – loved. With all my heart and soul and everything!

I don’t think many will ever understand me in this life. Anyways, I don’t believe in a second life. Afterlife – can’t say. A friend – who is a co-religionist – is hard trying to convince me that there is an after-life and people go to heaven or hell. He goes on, ‘Your mom was kind, she will be in heaven’, you don’t pray, you may go to hell’.

Hope they let me see mom for a while. Hope they allow brief reunions.



Kusum said...


This write-up tells so much about the person you are.

I loved it.


Anonymous said...

Thats my sweet-n-sexy baby.

All the best.

Jane, London said...

You have a gift and that gift is expression. So many people write, many keep writing all their life, but the PLEASING FLUENCY that you talking about is so RARE.

I compliment u for your creative.


Scott, PA said...

I trust you like humour. It often makes us forget the tragedy we have changed ourselves into.



Qazi Hilal said...

I am happy to see someone from the valley writing at this advance level.

I think you genuinely deserve a compliment for this one.

Qazi Hilal

Janaki, Hyderabad said...

Nice piece. It made me think about life.

You are a keen observer of things and thats a great hallmark of all good writers.


Karen, Stssgard. said...

Now how many people can say: I am honest and I am loving as...I am glad that I’ve a candid set of scruples and I always – loved.

You are distinctly stylish, sameer. Thats a good sign.


Anjali said...

Some people never fail to impress.


Karen, Stssgard. said...

Look at ur expressions -- gooey cheeping.
I was looking up a word bank, it says
Hens don't cheep, chickenlings do.

u Amazing

alec, Atlanta, GA said...

God is always kind to all. HE whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.


Dr Anil K jha said...

Superbly crafted piece.


Anonymous said...

I've know you for some time now, but your this write up made me see a diffrent you... a F***ing Sam, a person who cares for every one espl me, who help you to defeat your gloom by his same old humour, who can pump you to fly in air... a real impetus, a filthy rich guy, but a person hollow within... i didnt know about your this dimension... I'm alive n a i'm for you,Biggy!

Selcuk said...

no one has the wisdom or the knowledge - or the feeling- to say that you may go to the hell.. I think we will be judged by our way of thinking, our traits; not by performing some religious stuff ;)
I know the way you think, I know who you are.. and I know you are one of the BEST persons I have ever known.. Thank you for everything ;)