Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Here I come

God, I hate the hiatus. I know I have not been regular in these pages. I got mails from chums asking me the reason for my frondescence. There are lots of things in life one cannot explain. Many storms you cannot escape. Realities that one has to face. You try hiding from yourself and from the world that surrounds you, yet the wind blows. It traces you to the farthest you can run. It hurts you in the eye. I have been down. I have been not thinking too much. I have been not writing. I won’t label it the matter-of-course writer’s block. It was perhaps all of the above or none of it. I don’t think I can reason many things in life.

I reckon I could never grow up -- in conventional terms -- in life . I always remained a kid from within. True, it has helped me be distinct and look at the world from a detached, innocent angle. I think I am unconventional. I like cartoons; I like to make the kids laugh. I like the tender shard of an unfinished dream. Tears come to me whenever a good samartian dies in a movie. My peers must laugh at my antics. My best buddy told me on my face that I look down upon weak people and behave like an elitist. I don’t think he is right. However, I agree that he may not be entirely wrong also: I may appear so. That is because I have never cared about such intricacies in life.

Am I being stupid? Is there a little fool jumping up and down in my tummy? Questions I have asked myself. There are no answers. I think I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, laughs and cries, hurts and gets hurt. Hurt. God, that stings. I've been hurt but I'll continue to love, for that gives me courage to go on with my life. It is very difficult in reality and something in me shifts and moves even right now! I try to shut out the hurt. I seem not to!

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.



alec, Atlanta, GA said...

He is back and he is brilliant.


hana, Jordan said...


All of us have good and bad times in our life. You are such a beautiful guy. Just stand firm. The tough times will tide over. I can see innocence in your lines and that makes my heart glad.

Missed your posts.

Hana, Amman, Jordan

Nikund, 26, B'lore said...

I checked your blog after 15 days. I am happy you will be regular now.

Check the flow, friends.


Gulnar, Sweden said...

Now this merits a comment. Most of us have these highs-n-lows in life but it is the amazing amount of fluency with which you say it hits me right in the middle.

You have all the hallmarks of a very good writer. You tease, you make me laugh, think, sob, reflect.

I love this space.


Lucerno, Averio, Portugal said...

great pic, man. Superb

Anjali said...

You are back with a beauty.
why u look sad? Bcos of ur car. Is it?
Dont worry babay, wvery thing will be finey.


Juliet Masdin,Montreal said...

Hey man,

I want you to cheer up. I think the world requires your smile more than your frown. I know you have this remarkable ability to express your feelings, however sad, in the most innocent lines, but I just want those fun-filled accounts of yours.


Gary, Egypt said...

all of us have a spirit in us but by the time we grow up, the spirit takes shape of whatever we make of ourselves. It is great if you still have a child's spirit in you -- that sets you apart.

You are blessed.